8.27.08 brutally honest.

Drinking is culture here. It is everywhere, from the celebrations, to mid day work shots, to dinner shots with whisky or wine. You see it in drunks walking the streets stumbling by, or breakfast shots at the local bars as you walk by and there are a handful of men standing around a small table doing straight up vodka shots at 7 in the morning with guys all around them just sipping on their beers going about their days.

Word to the wise for future volunteers, this should have been stressed to all volunteers thinking about coming here. Its part of the culture and if you are not comfortable throwing down with the men you will have a very hard time fitting in or even enjoying yourself here.

I know some volunteers who in coping with their environment, may it been low productivity, a hopeless situation, homesickness, or just plain boredom are drinking more then maybe they had in the past or more then they should. When volunteers are put in a situation that is stressful and unknown like we are in then throw in a culture that you have to refuse drinks at ever corner if you don’t want to be drunk it can be a hard thing to say no. I remember in the winter, as I was being offered glass of wine after glass saying come on one more, “I don’t like to drink alone” you give into it and maybe you fall asleep at 8 that night ending a possibly boring or stressed out day early... Once you realize you are doing it you have the choice to stop it or continue it. I stopped it once I realized what I was doing and feel in control of myself. This summer has allowed me to escape it given in the host family I just left to live alone they ran out of wine and I was not forced it every night like I had been before.

Our peace corps doctor here in Moldova who is a native Moldovan said on this topic…You have to understand this is the culture this is our culture and society and if you reject it we reject you. He tells of times he knows of friends who refused to drink that wer fired from their jobs, there is this feeling of if you don’t drink with us you want something from us, your not our friend maybe you’re a spy.. (going to the extreme there but he was honest in what he was saying)

That makes me think about those days at work I would refuse to drink because it was a work day maybe my partners thinking less of me or don’t include me in things because I don’t take to drink as they do. It puts a whole new dynamic to saying no the drink and as that doctor was insinuating … you can’t really say no if you expect to be integrated in your community.

I am not saying I don’t drink here, I do, but I try to do it where kids would not see me or even high school students who are potential students of mine if I get any of these project groups off the ground here in the future.

Its not an easy job we do here, and with this added element of alcohol pressed on us on top of everything else it makes it that much harder.

I live without a host family now. I have an apartment. I will be sharing it with a 15 year old boy who is going to the local high school so he doesn’t have to commute from the village about 45 minutes away every day. His mom bought the apartment and I am renting a room from her. I am looking forward to having a roommate, even if he is so young. I hope this will help my conversational skills because he is a Romanian speaker.

I am also feeling alone at work. Given the level of corruption and inherent problems with my organization I don’t see myself really writing a project with them. I also don’t even know if I have the possibility to write a actual project that might leave any kind of lasting impact on them. This realization is a scary one because it mean what I do might be me doing this on my own.
I will focus on the youth because they are more receptive to making a difference or working for others without this “I work for only one person and that’s me” mentality. I have been planning my next year and have some ideas. I am in the process of making an action plan and we will see where it takes me.

I don’t want to just do a project so I can say I did something here. I don’t want to write a grant that my friends and family from back home fund either because I feel im forcing a project here that might necessarily be needed if the only funding I can find is with my own resources. I am here to learn, I am here to teach, but im not here to force anything on anybody. If someone comes to me for help may it be ideas I might have about a project or the a broken communication link I will do it with open arms. What I am not here do do in my perspective is force change, force things on people as things I want to accomplish but the inherent ideas need to come from locals, from there I will just capacity build.

For anybody out there who I might be letting down with these goals… sorry. I am over the expectation I will come here and change the world for the good as the realization has set in that I might be getting more out of this then anybody else here and that the Peace Corps helps the volunteer to a greater extent then the host country nationals.